I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
