i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
