get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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