He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
