He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
