we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
