I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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