what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
