can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
