if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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