Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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