Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
