I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
