I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
