and she was petting her beer can
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
