Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
