You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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