So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
id be glad to
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
