I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize