I wish my penis had an off switch
I've blown a few things in my day
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
