I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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