One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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