hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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