you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
