Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
