You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
