I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
