This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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