just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
