The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
