the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
