I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
