I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
