i don't like sucking hair
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
