Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
