So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
