you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
