Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
