I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
