I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize