I skipped work to stalk him.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
