Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
