Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
