Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
