honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
