I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
