last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
