Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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