Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
