six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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