So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
