You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
