There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize