She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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