i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
