So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What a dumb baby whore.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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