GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
