sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
