Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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