dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
