thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
