Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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